For those of you who do not know, nursing school is freaking hard. I spend 25 hours a week in class or clinical, spend countless hours studying or doing care plans, and spend almost no time with my family. They tell me that it will be worth it in the end, but I think that they're lying.
Today I went to the gym after school to let off some steam, and I don't know if the gym was empty due to it being Tuesday or it was because people realized that I've been going at the same time every day and they're trying to avoid seeing my ass cheeks again. I was stoked to get fifty glorious minutes of fat-burning exercise time to myself. I didn't have to suck in my gut, hold in my grunts or stifle my gasps for breath.
It was truly liberating to don that almost forgotten sweatband I had hidden in my gym bag.
31 August 2010
30 August 2010
In Which I Am Thankful To Work From Home...Most Of The Time
Day ??? of my diet? The days are meshing together. Lack of food is taking over all thoughts and making me do crazy things.
You know how they always say "Don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry"? Yeah. Wanna know what is worse? Working at a grocery store for 8.5 hours scanning food items while you're dieting. I did that about this time last year. You see all this food and you're like, hmmm, chips. Ooo, sushi. OMG CAKE. By the end of the shift you're about ready to eat a roll of toilet paper and chug down some lysol just so you can have something to eat.
Now I work from home when I'm not slaving away at nursing school. While it's great because I can sit in my pajamas and work, it blows big time because it's not like I'm restricted from the refrigerator. It's right over there in my kitchen. In fact, I can see it right now. And I know that there is some french onion dip and some ruffles in that kitchen somewhere. It's taking all the willpower that I have to keep my ass firmed planted on this couch.
Taylor Lautner would be so proud of me right now.
You know how they always say "Don't go to the grocery store when you're hungry"? Yeah. Wanna know what is worse? Working at a grocery store for 8.5 hours scanning food items while you're dieting. I did that about this time last year. You see all this food and you're like, hmmm, chips. Ooo, sushi. OMG CAKE. By the end of the shift you're about ready to eat a roll of toilet paper and chug down some lysol just so you can have something to eat.
Now I work from home when I'm not slaving away at nursing school. While it's great because I can sit in my pajamas and work, it blows big time because it's not like I'm restricted from the refrigerator. It's right over there in my kitchen. In fact, I can see it right now. And I know that there is some french onion dip and some ruffles in that kitchen somewhere. It's taking all the willpower that I have to keep my ass firmed planted on this couch.
Taylor Lautner would be so proud of me right now.
22 August 2010
In Which All My Muscles Explode
Anyway, so nothing really interesting happened today. I had class, and was pleased that I was able to stay awake even without chugging two mountain dews and eating a milky way. WOOT. Once I got home, it was pure insanity at the Young house until 8 pm, bedtime for the kids.
I hadn't gotten a chance to exercise, so Dan "watched" the sleeping kiddos while I went to the gym. And this time, I went sans sweatband simply because well, let's just say wearing a band that holds your sweat over your forehead doesn't exactly make you Penny Popular among the skinnies who don't sweat. Stupid whores.
So yeah, no sweatband. I'm not really sure which is better, being uncool and not having sweat in your eyes or having the sweat pour down your face and blind you. Anyway, I get on the elliptical and I'm done fooling around. I cranked that fucker up to level 12...halfway to the maximum of 25. Okay, the low side of halfway, and I had to turn it down to level 9 for about 7 minutes so I wouldn't die from a myocardial infarction, BUT...I did it for 35 minutes before turning to the other gym equipment for the first time.
My thighs are burning. My arms are groaning in protest. My abs are like, whoa...did something just happen to us? I think every one of my 656 muscles are in shock.
I hadn't gotten a chance to exercise, so Dan "watched" the sleeping kiddos while I went to the gym. And this time, I went sans sweatband simply because well, let's just say wearing a band that holds your sweat over your forehead doesn't exactly make you Penny Popular among the skinnies who don't sweat. Stupid whores.
So yeah, no sweatband. I'm not really sure which is better, being uncool and not having sweat in your eyes or having the sweat pour down your face and blind you. Anyway, I get on the elliptical and I'm done fooling around. I cranked that fucker up to level 12...halfway to the maximum of 25. Okay, the low side of halfway, and I had to turn it down to level 9 for about 7 minutes so I wouldn't die from a myocardial infarction, BUT...I did it for 35 minutes before turning to the other gym equipment for the first time.
My thighs are burning. My arms are groaning in protest. My abs are like, whoa...did something just happen to us? I think every one of my 656 muscles are in shock.
16 August 2010
In Which I Have A Wardrobe Malfunction
I love my daughter. Can I just say that? She's amazing, even though she is the reason I got fat in the first place. Though I'm not really sure if I can blame an 85 pound weight gain on a 10 pound baby.
Lindsey recently came home from New Hampshire where she was visiting family, so I told her we'd have a special day for her, where she could pick what we did and what we ate. My evil daughter chose to have taco salad and Mommy's super secret special sugar cookies. Taco salad: the only kind of salad that could have 1300 calories on one plate and my cookies, which are made with two sticks of butter and smothered in buttercream frosting. FML.
So, I asked myself, WWTLD? (remember, what would Taylor Lautner do?) and I had a salad, one soft shelled taco made with ground turkey instead of beef and an apple frosted with peanut butter. WOOT.
Okay, so there is one thing I learned today. There are two words that do not belong in a gym full of people.
Wardrobe malfunction.
So, after I fed my children the cookies and effectively hyped up the two kids with ridiculous amounts of sugar, I left them bouncing off the walls under the supervision of their father and went to the gym. I had to bring clothes to change into, and I felt comfortable enough to wear shorts today. I'm not really sure if it was the 4 pounds of water weight I've taken off, or the fact that my other workout clothes were dirty and I was too lazy to wash clothes last night.
Anyway. So, I go into the bathroom and change, then hop onto the elliptical that isn't so evil anymore. We're coming to a kind of agreement, the elliptical and I. So, I've got my buds in, I'm rocking out to the Black Eyed Peas when this lady taps me on the arm. I pull out a bud and look at her, and she says quietly to me,
"Ma,am, your shorts are caught in your underpants. Your bottom is hanging out."
OMG. Instant red. I mumbled something as I adjusted myself, and after i finished my workout, I got out of there as quickly as I could.
Note to self: Never go to the gym at 1:00 ever again. I won't be able to show my face. Or my ass cheek.
Lindsey recently came home from New Hampshire where she was visiting family, so I told her we'd have a special day for her, where she could pick what we did and what we ate. My evil daughter chose to have taco salad and Mommy's super secret special sugar cookies. Taco salad: the only kind of salad that could have 1300 calories on one plate and my cookies, which are made with two sticks of butter and smothered in buttercream frosting. FML.
So, I asked myself, WWTLD? (remember, what would Taylor Lautner do?) and I had a salad, one soft shelled taco made with ground turkey instead of beef and an apple frosted with peanut butter. WOOT.
Okay, so there is one thing I learned today. There are two words that do not belong in a gym full of people.
Wardrobe malfunction.
So, after I fed my children the cookies and effectively hyped up the two kids with ridiculous amounts of sugar, I left them bouncing off the walls under the supervision of their father and went to the gym. I had to bring clothes to change into, and I felt comfortable enough to wear shorts today. I'm not really sure if it was the 4 pounds of water weight I've taken off, or the fact that my other workout clothes were dirty and I was too lazy to wash clothes last night.
Anyway. So, I go into the bathroom and change, then hop onto the elliptical that isn't so evil anymore. We're coming to a kind of agreement, the elliptical and I. So, I've got my buds in, I'm rocking out to the Black Eyed Peas when this lady taps me on the arm. I pull out a bud and look at her, and she says quietly to me,
"Ma,am, your shorts are caught in your underpants. Your bottom is hanging out."
OMG. Instant red. I mumbled something as I adjusted myself, and after i finished my workout, I got out of there as quickly as I could.
Note to self: Never go to the gym at 1:00 ever again. I won't be able to show my face. Or my ass cheek.
14 August 2010
In Which I Avoid The Candy
I had spent some time last night searching ‘Elliptical Machine Training for Beginners Who Are Fat’ while I noshed on my low-fat, low-calorie, low-taste organic granola bar. I was proud to show off the new skills I had learned via Goggle’s search engine to another gym rat who was also burning the calories this morning. As I attempted to discuss the merits of different levels, the bottle blond rolled her eyes at me and moved to a machine further away from me. Whatever, I thought to myself as I pushed my sweatband up my forehead and put the buds to my iPod to my ears so I could listen to ‘Mickey’ by Toni Basil. That crazy bitch just didn’t realize how cool I am. She wishes she could be as epic as me.
After the 30 minutes of torture, I stumbled into my apartment and collapsed on my couch, disregarding the fact that I was covered in a sheen of my own sweat. I pushed my falling glasses up the slope of my damp and oily nose and my eyes honed in on the smiley faced Jack O Lantern candy dish sitting on the entertainment center. Don't ask why I have a Halloween dish out in August. I can't tell you. Anyway, I quickly averted my gaze of longing and instead tried to focus on getting my breathing to a regular pace. My eyes wandered back to the candy dish. Damn that pumpkin. His smile was mocking me. I could hear the Snickers bars that I had stuffed inside three days ago calling my name.
Beckie…Beckie…
I rose from my seat, leaving a wet spot in my wake, and started to close the distance to the candy jar. I stopped myself and thought “I don’t need this. Hmm. I wonder, what would TayLau do?” So instead of eating a candy dish full of Snickers, I drank a half gallon of water, did some karate kicks, injured myself while trying to stand on my hands, and watched his New Moon preview, so I could get some hints on how to brag about my 30 pound weight difference.
After the 30 minutes of torture, I stumbled into my apartment and collapsed on my couch, disregarding the fact that I was covered in a sheen of my own sweat. I pushed my falling glasses up the slope of my damp and oily nose and my eyes honed in on the smiley faced Jack O Lantern candy dish sitting on the entertainment center. Don't ask why I have a Halloween dish out in August. I can't tell you. Anyway, I quickly averted my gaze of longing and instead tried to focus on getting my breathing to a regular pace. My eyes wandered back to the candy dish. Damn that pumpkin. His smile was mocking me. I could hear the Snickers bars that I had stuffed inside three days ago calling my name.
Beckie…Beckie…
I rose from my seat, leaving a wet spot in my wake, and started to close the distance to the candy jar. I stopped myself and thought “I don’t need this. Hmm. I wonder, what would TayLau do?” So instead of eating a candy dish full of Snickers, I drank a half gallon of water, did some karate kicks, injured myself while trying to stand on my hands, and watched his New Moon preview, so I could get some hints on how to brag about my 30 pound weight difference.
12 August 2010
In Which the Elliptical Kills Me
SlimFast has been purchased. Celery stalks have been washed and precut. Gallons of water are ready for the drinking. I went to the gym at my apartment complex and stood my tech-tarded ass there for about five minutes, overwhelmed by the machines and all their buttons. After giving myself a mental peptalk, I made myself put on my size 5 (all right, all right, my size 7) big girl panties and stepped on the “low impact” elliptical.
“Start moving for Quick Start,” it said. More like “Start moving to commence death.” About 3 minutes in I wondered why exactly I was doing this, because no sane person would put herself through this. Decided “screw this” and flipped open my cell for the Wok and Roll Chinese takeout that is my speed dial 7, wondering if I could time I just right to arrive home as the food arrived. As I flipped open the phone, I rested my eyes on a picture of a certain half-naked eighteen year old that I have as my wallpaper background. This induced fantasies involving said eighteen year old and I lost myself for a moment, causing myself to fall off the satanic elliptical.
I regained my composure, set the machine to an acceptable setting and went on. Sweat poured down my determined face, pit stains marked my shirt, but I continued on, until my thighs had created so much friction that a small fire had started in the crotch of my pants. As I put the fire out with my Life is Good water bottle and took a swig of the remaining aqua, I checked my workout summary, pleased to see I had endured 30 minutes of fat burning and heart attack inducing exercise.
Headed home to shower off, was tempted by unsupportive husband by the three evils Cs: Chinese, Chocolate and Chicken Fried Chicken. Was able to overcome temptation, so all in all, I chalked the day up to a success.
“Start moving for Quick Start,” it said. More like “Start moving to commence death.” About 3 minutes in I wondered why exactly I was doing this, because no sane person would put herself through this. Decided “screw this” and flipped open my cell for the Wok and Roll Chinese takeout that is my speed dial 7, wondering if I could time I just right to arrive home as the food arrived. As I flipped open the phone, I rested my eyes on a picture of a certain half-naked eighteen year old that I have as my wallpaper background. This induced fantasies involving said eighteen year old and I lost myself for a moment, causing myself to fall off the satanic elliptical.
I regained my composure, set the machine to an acceptable setting and went on. Sweat poured down my determined face, pit stains marked my shirt, but I continued on, until my thighs had created so much friction that a small fire had started in the crotch of my pants. As I put the fire out with my Life is Good water bottle and took a swig of the remaining aqua, I checked my workout summary, pleased to see I had endured 30 minutes of fat burning and heart attack inducing exercise.
Headed home to shower off, was tempted by unsupportive husband by the three evils Cs: Chinese, Chocolate and Chicken Fried Chicken. Was able to overcome temptation, so all in all, I chalked the day up to a success.
10 August 2010
In Which I Decide To Stop Being A Fatty McFatty
Thanks to having two children, mad cooking skillz and being a nursing student with no time to cook, I may or may not have gained a lot of freaking weight since the age of eighteen. It's now seven years later and I am still carrying around this crazy nasty weight.
I make myself sick.
After looking in the mirror today while I was naked and choking back the vomit, I realized that I have got to lose some weight because this is just ridiculous. Some weight being like about 30 pounds, give or take. If I lose 2 pounds a week, I can reach my goal in time for New Year's Eve-ish. The decision was made. Join me in my journey out of stretchy pants and into some pants with writing on the butt, because I’ve always been too scared of my fat ass to wear them.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)