In Which I Learn a Valuable Lesson

Today Dan had to work, so I went through the early morning chaos alone, which always sucks. Get the kids up, eating breakfast, get their clothes, tie their shoes, assure daughter that the reason her tummy hurts is just because she doesn't want to go to school, make sure everyone has their backpacks, clean up breakfast, fight with daughter to brush her hair, cuddle the boy who doesn't want to leave Mommy, find my keys, grab a Slim-Fast, realize that I'm naked, get dressed and throw contacts in, find sunglasses, lose keys, find iPod for workout, tie my sneakers, tear up house looking for keys, remember my phone is on the charger, then realize that the keys are in my hand all before 0645 when my daughter has to be on the bus.

An extremely organized friend of mine wants to come and organize my life because organizing makes her happy. I told her good luck.

Anyway. So after I dropped both my kids off I went to the gym. When I was hurrying to get dressed, I put on my gray yoga pants because I haven’t done laundry so all my clothes are dirty because I wanted to. In doing this, I learned some VERY VALUABLE LESSONS today during my workout.

Lesson Number 1: Girls sweat. This isn't like the movies where the skinny girls get off their treadmill and come off smelling like roses. I'm freaking drenched and no flower would ever wish to smell like I do right now.

Lesson Number 2: When you go to workout, bring a towel with you. Said sweat leaves marks on the gym equipment and then you're stuck wiping it with your shirt, hoping that no one sees you.

Lesson Number 3: Do not wear gray yoga pants to work out when you sweat like a 350 pound man because it will look like you peed your pants. Case in point...


Lesson Number 4: Even if you have been working out for over a month, this is no reason to attempt to run at an incline of 7% at 8mph. If you do, this will happen...

You will die.

Dear Mom, if you are reading this, please send some new workout shorts, maybe a tank top or two, and some clinical strength, maximum power antiperspirant. Love, your sweaty daughter.