In Which I Discover I Have a Butt

I've lost 15 pounds since I started dieting! Whoop whoop!

My clothes are fitting differently. I look skinnier from the side. My butt? It's almost...there. Like, I can see it. Sort of.

If you know me and my family, you know that my sister Amanda got all the butt. And the boobs, but we won't go there. My pants never fit right because I just don't have any junk in the trunk. It was once coined "Beckie's Saggy Butt Syndrome". <--and that right there is why there is a love/hate relationship among nursing school students. White scrub pants? Do not accentuate the buttocks. Case in point: Anyway, so I'm working out really hard, I'm keeping my calories around 1200 kcal/day, and I'm drinking so much water that it sounds like I've turned into the Hoover Dam every time I use the bathroom.

AND I HAVE A BUTT!!

(one that is in significant need of a massage. my poor glutes)

In Which I Take The Lead

I have spent the past two days with my head alternating between being in a toilet, or positioned being over a bucket. I got the stomach bug that's been going around. I had it in my mind to post a picture (tasteful picture of someone's head in a toilet?) but when I searched Google Images, the vast amounts of porn disturbed me so much that I kind of had the urge to barf again.

So no pictures of THAT.

Anywho, the upside of this bug was that I have lost 8 lbs in 2 days. Pretty sure that the reason for this is because there is absolutely nothing left in my digestive system, but hey, we take what we can get. At least this didn't happen:

Also, I got to watch television by myself all day (and yes, Amanda, this means that I was watching "that show" again. Do not come between me and my truckers again!) and eat Ritz crackers while sipping on miniscule amounts of Gatorade. Since Dan was working, I sent him a beautiful picture of my "I am sick" set-up.

Look! It's what every nerdy girl needs when she's ill! Her computer, her glasses, her PS3 controller and rations! The only thing that's missing is the Skyrim strategy guide that was on my lap.

Now I'm feeling back to my snarky, evil self. God help us all. We're heading to a hockey game tonight, and I'm hoping that my stomach will remember how it felt these past couple of days before it starts demanding rink dogs.

In Which I Learn Another Valuable Lesson

When I first started losing weight, I thought that getting down to 170 pounds would solve all my problems. That I'd finally start thinking that I was beautiful, that I'd be able to wear a bikini, that I'd start being able to control myself when it comes to food.

Now two years and eighty pounds later, I realize that being skinny doesn't exactly mean that you will be happy. While it's great to be falling out of a pair of size 10 pants, I'm not necessarily any happier with myself than I was when I was in a size 20. For some reason, that self-confidence is still nonexistent and I still see the fat girl in the mirror.

I still can't wear a bikini because my stomach is all stretched out from having 2 kids and weighing 80 pounds more than I should. I can't control myself when it comes to food. especially if it's Italian food or sushi.

Now that I'm at my goal weight, I will continue to work out and attempt to make the right food choices (and stay away from Olive Garden), but I'll also start working on trying to get over my self-esteem issues. I want to see the beautiful girl that my husband tells me I am.

In Which I Benefit From Being Sick

I have not been a good girl with my diet. Jake's birthday party was this past week and I had some of my nursing friends over for a get together. We barbecued, I made mac and cheese and potato salad...there was cake, baked beans, chips, ice cream...yeah.

And remember, Alli does not like it when Beckie takes in too many fats.

This weekend, I discovered that Beckie does not like it when Beckie takes in too many fats.

I'm not going to details, but I will say that I spent most of my Saturday sick in the bathroom.

However, I was finally able to step away from the throne and curl up in my bed to ironically read up on the digestive system and attempt not to die. I was rudely woken up this morning when my husband came home from work (he works nights) and kicked me out of bed. So I stumble into the bathroom and step on the scale like I do every morning (I'm beginning to believe that it's a compulsion) and wait to see what it tells me.

172.8 pounds.

After binging on bbq food since thursday, I had gone back up to 176.2 yesterday morning. That means that I lost 3.5 pounds in one day, thanks to my irritable bowels.

Not exactly the way that I wanted to lose it, but hey, I'll take what I can get.

In Which My Wii Fit Tells Me I'm Epic

I bought the Wii Fit awhile back...and I mean awhile. I always mean to use it, but...yeah. So since I know I've lost weight, I figured I'd go wipe the dust off the balance board and see what it told me.

Since last October, I've lost 43 pounds. This makes me happy. It also told me that I've squeaked out of the "overweight" category and am teetering on the edge of a normal BMI.



I think the game wept with happiness when it changed me from the fat Mii to the normal looking one. I did a little too.

In Which I Decide To Stop Being A Fatty McFatty

Thanks to having two children, mad cooking skillz and being a nursing student with no time to cook, I may or may not have gained a lot of freaking weight since the age of eighteen. It's now seven years later and I am still carrying around this crazy nasty weight.

I make myself sick.

After looking in the mirror today while I was naked and choking back the vomit, I realized that I have got to lose some weight because this is just ridiculous. Some weight being like about 30 pounds, give or take. If I lose 2 pounds a week, I can reach my goal in time for New Year's Eve-ish. The decision was made. Join me in my journey out of stretchy pants and into some pants with writing on the butt, because I’ve always been too scared of my fat ass to wear them.