In Which I Have A Wardrobe Malfunction

I love my daughter. Can I just say that? She's amazing, even though she is the reason I got fat in the first place. Though I'm not really sure if I can blame an 85 pound weight gain on a 10 pound baby.

Lindsey recently came home from New Hampshire where she was visiting family, so I told her we'd have a special day for her, where she could pick what we did and what we ate. My evil daughter chose to have taco salad and Mommy's super secret special sugar cookies. Taco salad: the only kind of salad that could have 1300 calories on one plate and my cookies, which are made with two sticks of butter and smothered in buttercream frosting. FML.

So, I asked myself, WWTLD? (remember, what would Taylor Lautner do?) and I had a salad, one soft shelled taco made with ground turkey instead of beef and an apple frosted with peanut butter. WOOT.

Okay, so there is one thing I learned today. There are two words that do not belong in a gym full of people.

Wardrobe malfunction.

So, after I fed my children the cookies and effectively hyped up the two kids with ridiculous amounts of sugar, I left them bouncing off the walls under the supervision of their father and went to the gym. I had to bring clothes to change into, and I felt comfortable enough to wear shorts today. I'm not really sure if it was the 4 pounds of water weight I've taken off, or the fact that my other workout clothes were dirty and I was too lazy to wash clothes last night.

Anyway. So, I go into the bathroom and change, then hop onto the elliptical that isn't so evil anymore. We're coming to a kind of agreement, the elliptical and I. So, I've got my buds in, I'm rocking out to the Black Eyed Peas when this lady taps me on the arm. I pull out a bud and look at her, and she says quietly to me,

"Ma,am, your shorts are caught in your underpants. Your bottom is hanging out."

OMG. Instant red. I mumbled something as I adjusted myself, and after i finished my workout, I got out of there as quickly as I could.

Note to self: Never go to the gym at 1:00 ever again. I won't be able to show my face. Or my ass cheek.